Today was one of those days when you learn a lot about yourself and world around you. It all started out this morning, when I woke up and my eye was swollen, and it appeared that my infection that was chewing up my face had spread. I had previously gone to doctor and was put on Zithromax antibiotic and given a facial cream to deal with this issue, and been warned to promptly return should the problem get worst. When I got there, and my doctor took one look at it, and told me to get to the emergency room immediately for a deeper look. This afternoon, I spent about 6 hours there, being examined and seeing many specialists I finally got to get out, despite the suggestions of some of the doctors. I got to have an IV put in and strong antibiotics injected.

I was so glad when I got to leave this dehumanizing place, and could return home to be an individual. Remarkably, that IV antibiotic did make the rash subside, and by 7 PM I was looking much better. I am now taking very strong doses of an antibiotic every six hours, and should I relapse I might be facing a situation that could prove fatal. Such an infection of the skin could easily spread to the brain, giving some pause to both to my doctors and myself. They wanted to keep me overnight or for 48 hours, but I could not stand to be in such a cell, stuck in a bed, alone and unable to see (at that point my eyes where too swollen to wear my contacts).

Getting home and with the antibiotics kicking in, I was able to put my contacts in for the first time today. It is amazing how much friendlier the world is when you can see it. I walked up to my pickup truck and put in my Joan Baez CD and sat back looking through the windshield at the stars. I sat and pondered Baez's lyrics and their ramifications today. I just love the feeling the steering wheel, the sound of the CD player, and how that stick shift feels in my hand. It's my truck, one of the few places I can be myself, versus the hospital where I was just another a patient. I thought if I was going to die anywhere, I'd rather die in my pickup. I love that truck. It's just my size, not too big or small. It was much nicer then a terrible hospital bed with an IV stuck in your arm. I just hope I never have to go back and that the antibiotics I was given will work successful.

I learned a lot from this experience. I got to see more of the medical bureaucracy first hand, and I learned more about how health insurance and my HMO decide how I get treated. Procedures are very standardized, and when you get a unusual case like my face rash, many people look at it and try to fix it in a textbook definition, as if I was wasn't a individual with something different then the norms. I felt real pain, and I also felt what it was like to be at feet of such a large bureaucracy that largely was in control of me as individual.